I am horrible at this blogging thing! It’s been so long since I’ve written. When I initially started this blog, my intentions were to write at least once a month . . . you see how well that’s worked out! I write so much for other things that blogging isn't a priority. I’ve thought about doing away with the blog, but then I’ve received messages from people who actually read and enjoy my entries, so I guess I’ll keep it - at least for now. Hopefully, they like to “reread” old entries because I won’t promise any consistency with this thing. Maybe things will change in the future – who knows? Right now it is what it is even if it ain’t what it’s supposed to be.

As everyone is fully aware, our economy is suffering. Everything from food, healthcare, and especially fuel is putting a strain on budgets nationwide. Even the literary world is feeling the blows.

Last week my editor informed me that the publishing company is doing away with its Christian imprint because of a negative profit margin. I was told that my third novel, which was scheduled to be published in 2009, will not be released through them as a result of these changes. I wasn’t surprised by the news. It’s no secret that publishing companies are taking a hit because market demands have changed. Plus, I’ve been through a similar situation before when my former publisher lost its contract with Warner Books. The dissolution of that relationship allowed me the opportunity to sign with a new publisher, which led to the release of Secrets of a Sinner.

I know market demands change, but I also know that God is consistent. I’m not the least bit concerned about whether the third book will ever get published because I believe God’s going to make a way for it to happen just like He did with the previous two.

I didn’t feel sorry for myself, rather my heart was heavy because of my editor who had the burden of relaying such unfortunate news. Last year she had to inform some authors that their books, which had originally been scheduled to come out in 2008, would be delayed until 2009. (By the grace of God, Secrets of a Sinner remained on schedule for this year.) She then had to tell those same people that the company will not publish their books at all! I felt bad for her. She is truly the kindest person I’ve ever worked with in the publishing world. It’s unfair that she had to deliver news about decisions she had no control over. I guess that sort of thing happens in the business world. I let her know that I was praying for her because I know some people didn’t take the news well and may have even lashed out at her. My prayer was for God to give her the grace and strength to deal with whatever backlash came her way, and that she empathized with those who were upset, but did not take personal attacks to heart. I also felt bad for the authors whose work is not being released and prayed for them as well. I prayed that they don’t become bitter and discouraged, and that every fiber of their being is strengthened and encouraged through the Word.

I’ll miss working with my editor because she has set a standard in terms of professionalism, courtesy and diligence that will be hard to follow. I appreciate everything Kimani Press has done for me and I understand the business decision that was made. I thank God that my trust was never in the company, but in Him. He is in control of the doors that open and close in my life. “In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.” Psalm 62:7

One of the things I enjoy about my children is their ability to make me laugh – especially when they are not trying to. With Easter just around the corner, I was thinking about when I’d go shopping for their outfits and how much money we could afford to spend when a funny memory came to mind.

Several years ago the kids and I were out shopping for Easter outfits. After buying their things, I wanted to buy an outfit for myself if I could find something at a reasonable price. We were at an outdoor shopping center and not paying attention to where I was going, I began heading into a plus-size store when I stopped. “Never mind. We don’t have to look in here,” I said, backing out of the store. “Why?” my daughter asked. “Because honey, they don’t have clothes for skinny people.” She quickly replied, “But Mom, you ain’t all that skinny.” Her tone and expression insisted we should go in. Initially, I made some type of sarcastic remark like “Gee, thanks. . .” and then started laughing. She didn’t understand why I laughed. In her opinion, she was just stating the facts. Her statement was both humorous and enlightening. Not only was it a reality check of her perception of me, but it also confirmed that I had indeed packed on some extra pounds. Still, I could not be considered plus-sized, so I explained to her that the store didn’t carry my size, which seemed to be a much more acceptable answer to her.

My son neither co-signed nor disagreed with his sister’s statement that day. At least it was just her word against mine, right? (For the record, I have since come to the conclusion that my daughter was right. I’m relatively thin, but thick if that makes any sense.) My son has given his share of humbling comments, though. One day during the summer preceding the release of Soul Matters, I’d overheard a verbal altercation between him and his friend. They were having a “my mother is better than yours” dispute. My son was bragging about the upcoming release of my book and all the other things I was working on while the friend boasted of his mother’s accomplishments. I later spoke with my son about what I’d heard and said to him, “There is a lot of hype about the book and mommy, but I want you to always remember that Soul Matters didn’t come about because I’m all that or I have the best writing skills. Never forget that I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for God.” I then asked if he understood what I was saying. He looked at me so sincerely and said, “Yes, I understand. My Sunday school teacher told me that God doesn’t always use the smartest people.”

My children have said or done various things over the years that have tickled me to no end, but motherhood isn’t all laughter and fun. It definitely has its challenges. It also comes with some great rewards. For me, one of the rewards is the moments of laughter my children bring me when I least expect it.

Have you ever had a “duh?” moment where you felt completely foolish because you didn’t know something that you should have known? Or perhaps you knew something but didn’t know you knew it until someone pointed it out to you. Well, my “duh” moment came as I was going through the edits of my upcoming release, Secrets of a Sinner.

There are several places within Secrets of a Sinner where I reference the Book of Psalms – except I spelled it Psalm (without the s). Keep in mind that I’m very meticulous when it comes to spelling people’s names, book/song/movie titles and places correctly. For example, I’m consciously aware of the fact that the apostle Philip has only one l while there’s a Phillip I know with two ls. I know three different people with the name Kesha spelled Keisha, Kiesha, and my cousin, Kesha. I have a friend named Teresa, yet I know a book club facilitator who spells her name with an h (Theresa). A former coworker of mine has the name Sheryl, while Teresa’s sister-in-law spells her name Cheryle, and I’m a guest speaker at the Relax Release Renew Retreat in October and one co-owner’s name is Cheryl without the e. My sister-in-law’s name is Tiffany and my neighbor’s name is Tifani. I have a friend with a daughter named Kala and another friend whose niece is Kayla. By now you get the point, right?

Because my first name is frequently misspelled, I make every effort to spell other people’s names correctly. If I ever make a mistake on someone’s name, it is definitely an error and not because I didn’t pay close attention. I always tell people not to feel shy about correcting me. So why, with all of my meticulousness, have I for years omitted the s in Psalms? The funny thing is that when I speak about the Book of Psalms, I always pronounce the s except when I reference a particular passage (e.g. Psalm 119). But when the copyeditor added the s in several places throughout Secrets of a Sinner, I crossed it out stating that it was spelled without it. Weeks later I’m lying in my bed with a cold reading my Bible when it finally dawned on me and I said to myself “Duh, there’s an s in Psalms!” I had to laugh because I thought, Yolonda, you’re so anal when it comes to spelling names, etc. How in the world did you miss that all these years?

I’m hoping that both my editor and copyeditor just ignored my markings. If not, then I take full responsibility for that error should it occur in the book’s final production. The moral of me sharing this story is that no matter how many times we Christians read the Bible or how much we already know (or think we know ), there will always be something new to learn – even if it’s as simple as adding an s to Psalms.

Soon 2007 will come to an end as 2008 rolls in. I’m always amazed at how quickly time flies. It seems like only yesterday I was reflecting on 2006 and waiting on 2007 to come around. During these last several years I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster. As I reflect on this year alone, I think about joyous occasions such as recently celebrating my 32^nd birthday or the day I got a confirmed publishing date for my second release.

There are many wonderful events that I can recount, but there are also some sad ones. For example, the week before my birthday we buried my grandmother. She was 90 years old and I know she’s happy right now. My grandmother was a godly woman and there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that she’s in Heaven. I’m sad, of course, because I miss her, but she’s all right. She lived a long life and was ready to go. I’m glad that she’s no longer in pain or sick. Yet, I’m still dealing with the reality of her death.

Besides my grandmother passing away, my husband and I have both been in car crashes this year and our cars were totaled. It seems like this year has been met with challenge after challenge ranging anywhere from financial, emotional, parental, etc. The issue that weighs heaviest on my heart right now is my younger cousin’s illness. I have a cousin who is like a little brother to me. As I stated in a previous journal entry, I have a very close knit family, and my little cousin is one member who is very dear to my heart. I still remember the first time I ever held him. Even though he’s 22 years old, to me, he’s still one of my “babies.” Well, he’s very sick. He has a kidney disease and has to go on dialysis three times a week. Yesterday, he was taken to the hospital by the ambulance because he’d been having seizures and throwing up blood. David (my husband) and I went to the hospital to see him in the ICU. It broke my heart to see him lying there sedated with tubes running through his body and blood stains around his mouth from where he bit his tongue during the seizures. He’s been in and out of the hospital so much and has not been doing well for quite some time. Honestly, his prognosis doesn’t look good. Sometimes it seems like he has given up because he doesn’t follow all of the doctor’s orders and makes some discouraging statements at times.

I think about when I was his age. Yes, I had my stuff to deal with but not a life-threatening illness. He’s been on dialysis for three years, since he was nineteen. I’m sure that’s a lot on his mind. In addition to healing, I pray, most importantly, for his salvation. I truly haven’t given up hope despite that fact that I’ve broken down and cried like a baby several times within the last twenty-four hours. I try to be strong in front of his mother (my first cousin), his grandmother (my aunt), and my children. It’s not hopelessness that produces the tears; it’s seeing my “baby” in pain and the feeling of helplessness. Naturally, there’s nothing I can do, but spiritually, I’m interceding on his behalf.

Okay . . . I realize that I’ve gotten on a tangent here. Obviously, this is on my mind. As a matter of fact, I’m going back to the hospital shortly. Though this year and the recent ones have had its share of ups and downs, I think about the lyrics of an old song entitled I Won’t Complain. One line states “All of my good days outweigh my bad days.” Despite the many tears I’ve shed that is my testimony. I can truly say that all of my good days outweigh my bad days.

To anyone who may be going through a rough time, may you be encouraged. Despite what’s going on around you. You can still have a “Merry Christmas” because Christmas is not about our circumstances, it’s about celebrating Christ. Regardless of losing my grandmother or my cousin’s illness, I still rejoice and commemorate the birth my Savior. Jesus is the only reason that I’ve survived all the things that life has thrown my way!